Easy Targets

I’ve noticed over the years how easy it is to recognize weakness and shortcomings in others. Often when I hear a church talk about being kind, forgiving, or developing Christlike charity, I catch myself thinking, so and so should really hear this, they would really benefit from it.

In cognitive psychology this is called attribution, and the same pattern is often observed. We blame the behavior of others on their internal problems and our own behavior on external factors. The example given over on the Business of Software blog was this:

“If you are late to work this morning it’s undoubtedly because you were held up in traffic. If Bob from marketing is late though, it’ll be because he’s lazy and a poor timekeeper.”

The scriptures do teach us that there are times when it’s appropriate to call others to repentance. D&C 121:43 teaches it this way:

“^aReproving betimes with ^bsharpness, when ^cmoved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of ^dlove toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;”

The key to this passage is “when moved upon by the Holy Ghost”. In other words, we don’t need to worry about it until the Spirit indicates that we need to take action. The rest of the time we need to focus on the Savior’s admonition to worry about the beam in our own eye.

At a missionary reunion my mission president took some time to teach us about marriage and relationships. One thought has stuck with me from that night. He said that anytime that someone has fallen short they know it and already want to change or fix it, so becoming angry or distant won’t help the situation. Instead we should always offer our love and support.

It amazes me how hard everyday relationships can be. Problems arise in marriages, friendships, among co-workers and every other group of people that share time and space. Here’s hoping we can all remember to be more kind and more concerned about overcoming our own shortcomings rather than those of our neighbor.